Israel

"Hashke'vein-u adoni eloheinu le'shalom...", a song of healing, repair, wholeness, security, that's what it's asking for at least. Looking out at the 80 teenagers and a possible 15 madricheem, my heart questions how much healing the world needs. I sing strong, loud, sweet, with assurance and guidance. My heart bursts with pride," if only you could see me now Mom and Dad..." I think to myself. I'm guiding 80 people in prayer, doing what I've longed and wanted to do since I was 10, I'm being a Cantor. As I sing I can see peoples eyes fill up with tears, behind me Jerusalem spills in through the windows. I close my eyes and all of sudden I'm floating again in the Sach'nee with 37 of my closest friends around me, I'm running around Beit She'an complaining and cursing the entire way to the finish line of the race, I'm jumping and singing with arab kids in a hospital, I'm singing at an ederly home, I'm at the Kotel praying for the first time, my body prest hard against it's smooth stones, palms flat and caressing it lovingly, my lips touching the rock gently whispering my prayers into it's ears. I open my eyes and tears fall from them. The song ends, I blink back tears, someone reads something in english, I turn the page and begin to sing the next song. I realize all of a sudden , Becky, Molly J., and me are all holding each other's hands, tears in our eyes. It is each of our first times in Israel but definitely not the last. At the end of the service we hug each other, all around us, 80 teenagers keep up the Ruach, for another hour and a half, I am Heather, I am a Cantor, I am an Ambassador for Unity..... I am part of Israel.

Best Friend

Have you ever lost your best friend? Or at least felt like you lost them for a certain amount of time? Have you ever had that feeling of having a whole in your heart that can't be filled because it's just that unique but you have to have it filled or else you'll die? Well I have that feeling, before school even ended my best friend was taken from me, before I could even complain once to her about how horrible life is during the summer or get a first inside joke, she was taken from me without any warning that this is what it would feel like. Okay so it may not be that she was torn away from me, she went of her own free will, and weather she knows that she is indeed my one true best friend or not she is and life is horribly dull without her! Who is my best friend you ask? well first off, she's known me for all 13 years of her life, and I've known her just as well, she knows everything about me and I know everything about her. She is my sister, and she's been taken from me by her love of camp for one month and now without her I'm lost. I'm lost because without her, I'm not the same person. There is a part of me that is gone and it's a large part of me too, we did a lot together. I miss being able to talk to her at night, even if she did bug me sometimes, or hear who she liked or didn't like of the guys that I liked. She is everything that I am not, and without her I don't know where my head is, things aren't as funny without her. Punishments aren't half as enjoyable without her, the house is to quiet and to much about the little boys running around without her. I feel upset when I don't get a letter from her. I miss being able see her in the morning and comfort her during whatever it was that she had that was hurting her. I even miss her calling me stupid or weird. She is the one person who if I lose, I would die of a broken heart because without her life simply isn't as great of an adventure or as good of a story to live. I want her back now, I want her here in my arms because I need her. I feel like I'm whithering away without her, and I don't know if I can last 2 more weeks without her. I'm trying but I need her now.......

Handicapped

When it seems that you are an outsider looking in on something else how do you become the insider? When your vision is distorted or unclear how do you clear the fog from your eyes so you can see? When all your life you've lived with a handicap, even if it may be a small one, how do you overcome it? What if your handicap makes it difficult for you to learn certain things or you are missing many concepts in that area, how do you make it better? What if you've been trying to get over it since the 3rd grade. All my life I've had handicaps in math, none of it clicks, simple things like adding and subtracting are difficult for me to do, multiplying is hard too. The ADD doesn't help either, it's just another hurdle for me to jump over. The world of math has never made sense to me, I don't think is ever will, and to me that is not okay. I don't want to just barley pass by or know the material enough to just scrape up an A on a test. I want to understand it, and to pass without a worry or break into a sweat every time I'm asked to try a problem out in front of the class. I want to walk into an SAT and not dread the math section because I'm not sure what I will and won't understand and will I be able to answer more than 20 questions on it. I want to be competent in more than just geometry, I want to be good at algebra too. I've never liked my handicap, I've excepted it, but I've never become fond of it or ever shown it off. I've hidden it, hoping that if I get far enough ahead of the class I'll be able to appear just like everyone else, you know, normal. But when the school decides to asses you on your math thinking, it all comes out, every little trick, movement, and procedure that you've created to help get through the fog and get to the answer. In that assessment I felt naked, they had exposed me in a way that was uncomfortable and embarrassing, I felt powerless and out of control. I wanted it to end as fast as it could. I don't want that to happen anymore, I want out of this straight jacket, I need my wings to fly.....