Vayishlach

Alright so while I know that I usually don't post about Torah portions on here, I thought this one was very...well, appropriate. Vayishlach is all about Jacob wrestling with Hashem, much like most of my peers I wrestle with many things. But my biggest challenge always seems to be with my roots, where I came from, the people I love even though I lack the ways to show it. For example, I will always remember my friends birthday's no matter what, if you're important and in my life I'll remember it, but somehow I can never remember my parents birthday's...what should be an easy thing to do, I find little importance in. Knowing how old they are just isn't...well..important. I wrestle constantly to try to break away from my parents to set them free of me and my ball of horrible-ness, my horrible choices and situations I put them and myself in. Jacob wrestled with Hashem for the truth of who he was, I wrestle with everyone around me trying to look for the easy way out and for someone to just baby me and make me feel good about myself...OH! and I seem to live in this fantasy world where everything will turn out okay. I've been lucky...so far.. but luck runs out quick. You learn quickly that upholding bargains is a REALLY big deal! That outside of the home, no one really cares about you anymore. That sometimes what you think is the best decision isn't what your parents want you to do. The army is now my life, it's what I have to do...and while my body isn't used to this yet, it will be, I've never been so determined to succeed. Working out isn't something I do, yet now I find myself at the gym 3 times a week running at least 2 miles combined, and trying to get to where I need to be before I go to basic. While many wouldn't ever choose this path I did, and while it's not the IDF, it's the army I wanted to join. I love my family and I love the country that I grew up in too, what better way to say thank you than putting my life on the line for what I was given to defend what everyone else has. Like Jacob it's not about the easy way in life, and sometimes your reasons for doing things aren't accepted by others. But just like Jacob I'm wrestling to find the truth....