His Other Side

Boys. They keep things to themselves, you hardly know what they think. And if they like you and you find out, or they tell you, they try to make every it seem as if they don't. They hide from you, but they want to be with you. His friends make fun of him for liking you, but your friends can't stop talking about him and how lucky you are that he likes you. When you two are alone, everything is perfect, he's honest truthful and not afraid to tell you what he thinks of you. He tells you that you look beautiful, that your eye's are hypnotizing and that he could look into them forever, he tells you that your body is perfect, that your personality is incredible, and that who you are is everything he could ever ask for in anybody. He makes you feel like you are amazing, that without you, he wouldn't have a reason to live. But his friends think the opposite thing. They think that you are taking up his time, that all of the sweet things he's saying aren't true. At least that's what they tell you. You know that they want you out of his life, and you try to ignore them. His kisses are sweet,light, and delicious, he doesn't push you, and you don't push him. Both of you have a hard time deciding on things, but in the end you end up agreeing on the same thing. You both laugh and enjoy each other's company, when you're cold, he wraps his arms around you and hugs you. When you're sitting on the couch by yourself he snuggles up next to you just happy to be near you. He's polite to your parents, and you'r polite to his. He plays with your younger siblings, and doesn't care if they're constantly around you. He's everything you've ever wanted, and you can't imagine life without him. The weekends are your time together, his friends, will have to wait until the week to be with him. You want to be with him every second you can, constantly calling, IM'ing, and e-mailing him. You try to not do it to much, afraid he might get annoyed with you, but he never does, you have fantasies about him and you. You want him to be like this all the time, but the truth is, you the only one who will ever see his other side.

Memories of Camp

Since camp, I've found myself struggling to find where I have gone and what I've become. Shabbat is when my true color's show, the spirit of shabbat consumes me, my body can no longer control itself. I can no longer control myself, I shake with the anticipation of shabbat about to be here. When i sing the sound is magical and unreal, the spirit of shabbat works it's magic to make things become all they can be. i sing myself horse, or even scream myself horse. I become quiet at times, and I'm remembering something from camp. The memory is of me and my friends on shabbat during song session, singing as loud as we can, dancing like no one is looking. We are singing not to make a pretty sound but because t he spirit of shabbat is all around and we have to let it out. I see all of us, tears rolling down our faces, we're so happy to be with each other, i see us all in a circle arms around each others shoulders singing quietly and calmly, tears rolling silently down our cheeks. When the memory is over i become quiet, I want that memory to come to life as it had when I was having it. I run downstairs turn on music and jump around like an idiot until someone walks downstairs. " I needed to let my energy out, I had to much of it." i say to them, the truth was, i had no energy, but i knew at that moment, 11 other girls, where doing the exact same thing. Using the exact same excuse, and thinking the exact same thought as me....." I wish you could be here."

Trust and Boys

Why is it that as soon as any girl asks her parents if she can go over a boys house, they say no. I feel so un trusted as soon as I as my parents if i can go over a boys house. If he has a friend over that's a guy too, they lean towards no, even if there is a parent home. Do they not trust me? Why can't they let me try something out. Even if they may not like the situation, not every situation I'll be faced with in like is going to be one that they like or one that will be easily solved with the word "no". I want a chance to prove that i can take care of myself, and that have enough respect for myself that i know when i'm uncomfortable or something isn't right! I need the opportunity to prove that I can be trusted in a situation where i'm with a lot of guy's and i'm the only girl. You want me to grow up, well i need the chances to learn how to be grown up. You want me to take care of myself, I need the chances to take care of myself. You want me to learn how to be responsible, well then give me the chance to be responsible. I want to prove i can be trusted, so give me the chances, and I'll fulfill your biggest desires.