Memories of Camp

Since camp, I've found myself struggling to find where I have gone and what I've become. Shabbat is when my true color's show, the spirit of shabbat consumes me, my body can no longer control itself. I can no longer control myself, I shake with the anticipation of shabbat about to be here. When i sing the sound is magical and unreal, the spirit of shabbat works it's magic to make things become all they can be. i sing myself horse, or even scream myself horse. I become quiet at times, and I'm remembering something from camp. The memory is of me and my friends on shabbat during song session, singing as loud as we can, dancing like no one is looking. We are singing not to make a pretty sound but because t he spirit of shabbat is all around and we have to let it out. I see all of us, tears rolling down our faces, we're so happy to be with each other, i see us all in a circle arms around each others shoulders singing quietly and calmly, tears rolling silently down our cheeks. When the memory is over i become quiet, I want that memory to come to life as it had when I was having it. I run downstairs turn on music and jump around like an idiot until someone walks downstairs. " I needed to let my energy out, I had to much of it." i say to them, the truth was, i had no energy, but i knew at that moment, 11 other girls, where doing the exact same thing. Using the exact same excuse, and thinking the exact same thought as me....." I wish you could be here."