Help?!?!?

I'm losing reason's to wake up in the morning....today I woke up a full hour later then previously agreed to by my parents and I. I don't want to work, I kind of want to go to school, but I don't really want to do anything. I'm tired all day, I'm not abiding by the rules and talking...I hate talking it just brings on another fight and another reason for me to consider why not living is a better option. It's easier, but not really what I want. I don't want to be alone, and everyone keeps saying "you'll be okay," or "you'll pull through this" I know I can't do any worse...but it doesn't seem to matter what I do anymore...For goodness sake, I bribed myself with chocolate to get out of bed yesterday! I mean, I actually don't know what to do anymore,I just want someone to tell me what the right thing to do is. When I ask people look at me and say "I don't know Heath, it's your life, you decide!" I didn't ask you who I should marry! I didn't ask you to tell me what I should do! NO! I asked you what you thought would be the best choice for me! You're the adults, you've guided me all of my life! WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU HELP ME NOW!?!?!?! I hold my tongue when I'm angry because I know I don't mean everything that might come out and half the time I want to say something to either shut someone up or to completely throw them off guard. I still don't know who I am, except that I feel like a slimy person who takes up space and air and is a waste of soul. The only good thing is when I bring home bagels and it comes in handy for something or I do the dishes or something like that. Otherwise I get my ass handed to me for not doing something with myself when the truth is, I haven't the slightest idea what I'm supposed to do. Yes I'm late on deciding, when have I ever been on time!?!?Yes I changed my mind fifty gazillion times, when don't I? Yes I'm not an adult yet, I've never really wanted to fully grow up! I mean I do, but money scares me! I like getting things, I hate losing it, I hate dealing with it. I don't want to deal with it! I don't want to live at home, but I don't know where else to go, so school sounds good because well...it's away from home, but close enough to retreat when I need to be at home. I don't really want to learn but I guess I will because if I don't I'm going to end up kicked out of the house anyways. I'm so confused, I just want to live and be happy and not be told how inadequate I am as a daughter, a person, and a human being. I've already been told I fucked up high school and that I wasted that, and that I did nothing with it. Well, right now, I just want to be okay. I'm Heather, not anyone else, I'm trying, I am, I just don't know what really wanting something is like anymore....I actually can't remember what that feels like...I don't know what to do anymore or where to go...